This week’s sleep has been a little difficult and a little strange. I’ve woken up in the middle of the night at least half a dozen times with little circulation in my right arm, because apparently my being unable to find a comfortable position while falling asleep settles into one that pinches the armpit artery once I eventually do.
On Saturday I was in a conversation about another person who defaulted to trying to impress people if they didn’t know specific ways to interact with them. It wouldn’t have been too far off for that to have been me, if I’d ended up more isolated. It would be painful to reshape yourself whenever you met someone.
When I was drunk and didn’t want to sleep in the same room as them (they didn’t end up walking home though they were so keen on the idea before I refused to go with them) I ended up sleeping on the floor between a piano and a corner. The geometry of the alcove (with the front of the piano level with the edge of the doorframe to make an even U) and the resultant spacing of the sleeping places just seemed very right. I used to have more shame about being strange.
It was nice to have a night around people that didn’t know me quite as well. I got to have a proper conversation with someone who I’ve known as mostly very presented and self-filtered. The person who tried to obligate me did it with a kind of practiced flow that makes me think they do it unconsciously; locking the statement then immediately moving to bring other people in to try and enforce. It was still a nice night.
People that try to get me to do stuff through obligation (especially on what I’ve ‘sort of agreed to’) are not my favourite people.
I think what characterises this group of people is sincerity. The divide between the people that have so much and the people that have barely any to spare. On one hand the host truly adores all of the guests that came. On the other hand the one who stayed has not been appropriate to me for some time and I am not sure at which point I should tell him bluntly to stop.