I’ve been tagged/asked into the 15 happy things like 4 times or something now I promise I’ll get it done real soon, as well as returning to like regular-ish posting, I guess. I’ll need to talk about what this month means.
I’m confused and don’t know what’s happening and don’t think I’m in the position where I should ask.
Dream log of the past two nights (not particularly in order of incidence; under break for tw and because nobody is likely to care):
Feel like a swamp that people fall into and them not leaving is just part of me being awful and them being around is me being awful and contacting them when I feel like this is despicable in this context and maybe instead I can get a job being eaten by dogs they could use the protein better
Things I could have done tonight: do at least half of a programming assignment, contribute to a design group assignment, study for a thermodynamics midsem, plan out/help with campaigning stuff, club handover stuff, seen people as a self-care thing I guess? Thing I did tonight instead: was a useless garbage-bag trash person.
Still getting thrown for loops over how integrity applies to me as a concept. I hate who I am when nobody else is around. Like more than when people are around. My personality in a vacuum is awful. Genuineness as well? If I don’t get to plan out exact phrasing for a bunch of stuff having a conversation with me is double the slog it already is. (I’m really repetitive because those are phrases I can actually say without thinking about it?)
How personally should I take that the lecture I’m watching instead of the two other ones that are really important for the assessment on Monday/Tuesday is about Fault and Failure analysis? Is it very? I’m going with very.