Notes for future: please do not make me spend two hours taking public transport back and forwards I’ll cry I’ll cry
I want to reach a place in life where I will never sacrifice sleep for work, or at least not do so regularly.
I think just generally I spent the week on edge a little? My mum threw out a new singlet I liked and wouldn’t tell me why, then the water was cloudy/bitter in the morning while I was still groggy enough that I wasn’t sure if I was in a multi-layer nightmare. It feels like the end of the week not the start of Thursday.
I wanna spend a week around safe people just napping. I am very tired and I love napping but hate sleeping. Dreaming is very exhausting - I want rest without the need to experience anything (but the feeling of calm and safety that being near people gives me).
i know a few people who associate smells with people and like a room or item of clothing that smells like someone they trust is comforting etc
Yeah, mostly I associate them with people - I think if I were to associate a smell with a room or item it tends to end up being associated with the person(s) I most closely associate with that room/item/etc. Like the smell of my parents’ room makes me a little bit uncomfortable but I associate the smell with them rather than the room, I think. Mostly it’s this thing about being able to recognise someone by something as intimate as smell is something I feel like I would be more comfortable with if it had explicit consent, but at the same time it’s not something that takes active effort on anyone’s part? Like if someone told me that they were uncomfortable with me associating a smell with them and wanted me to stop I feel it would be a legitimate and reasonable thing but I would have no clue what to do about it.
No but today I was around people that make me feel safe and listened to a good band and had hugs and bought myself a CD and felt productive I had a fucking great day that some dude sat/stood too close to me for like 75% max of two hours doesn’t change that and letting me let it change that would be fucking bullshit
I’m back home and I’m okay it’s well-lit (and I know the layout better than strangers). I’m okay now I’m sorry that was however public my blog is.
Regulate the heart beat with music that’s louder it wasn’t this bad when he was in the same room is this like an aftereffect thing is that how it works