Well I guess I’ve had a lot of stuff to deal with and been treating my body really poorly and been really tired but even so I’ve gotten really slack with actively pursuing the comfort of the people around me, converting the spaces that I occupy to ones that are safe for others. Especially sloppy with not actively ceasing association with people I think?
(It’s just a thing where potentially it’ll be a thing that pressures them into doing something or going somewhere that they wouldn’t have and I don’t want to be about that especially not as often as it is)
Really often I say goodbye to people by establishing the next time I’ll see them (“I’ll see you *day*”, etc.) and just recently feel unsure about if it’s being a little bit coercive? (Like it’s a statement about what they’re going to do that doesn’t ask consent first and maybe they don’t want to or weren’t planning to?) Maybe I want to find other ways to say bye to people?
On one hand being in a choir is really reassuring because in order for it to sound not awful my experience of reality has to be at least pretty similar to the way others do but also on the other hand music in general is really enjoyable because in the right conditions I just go ‘oh that’s right I can feel that across my entire body cool’ and I’m not sure if they contradict each other so
Concert afterparty was amazing and concert was amazing even though I kind of felt like I was dying for the part where I hadn’t eaten? I hit 43+ hours conscious before sleeping? Making eye contact while dancing is like nigh on impossible for me also like I don’t feel bad about it so don’t feel bad about trying to get me to do it but I’m going to close my eyes almost always? Dancing is willingly being very vulnerable for me? I’m going to sleep now yeah?